Hell Would've Been Better

Right-- just came back from a week in the Isle of Wight. Shouldn't been called the Isle of Wrong. Well that's not entirely true. The natives were friendly but the hotel (and I use that word loosely) was a nightmare. Spending the week in hell would've been more hospitable than a week there. Unfortunately, it was a packaged holiday-- all paid for-- and no chance of getting the money back. We were trapped like rats on a sinking ship.

The manager had more time for cashing in her check than for the guests. When one of the guests asked why they advertised TV in every bedroom when they clearly didn't work (in ANY room), the manager quickly answered, "Well you have a TV, right? We didn't say it would work."

Between moldy toasted bread for breakfast and surprise vegetarian options (the menu option was one thing but one was served some completely different slop with an indescribable sauce covering up the evidence), the food was barely edible. Serving sizes also diminished as the week progressed (perhaps a blessing in disguise.) Drinking copious amounts of overpriced, mediocre wine was the only option one had to avoid food poisoning.

Speaking of mold, black was a very popular color in (not on) their walls. We won't go there.

One night we were honored to have been served cheese with a bit of our over zealous waitress's blood on the cheddar-- yummy. And to think that on the last night, the other waitress tried to convince us that we couldn't have cheese and biscuits because "...then everyone else would want some." No problem. We'll skip the Hepatitis C tonight.

Also on the last morning the Marmite (similar to Vegemite) was not on the buffet table so we asked for more but were told there was none. Fortunately for us, a young lad found one on the floor of the kitchen which he proudly presented. What a nice boy. And to think that he found it amongst the cockroaches the kitchen is purported to have. Good eyes.

If you should decide this is the place for you (the Sherw@@d Court in Shanklin, but you didn't hear it from me) one would highly recommend getting every imaginable vaccine against all known diseases.... or plan on drinking substantial amounts of gin and tonic. For the quinine of course.

On the other hand, if you decide to visit the Isle of Wight, camping in the rough would be enormously more hygienic. THAT you heard from me.